Excellent service is about execution. Making people feel valued goes deeper. It means ensuring they know you care and that they matter.

On a recent trip to our favorite resort, I was struck again by this distinction. Thierry and I have been visiting for five or six years, and what keeps us coming back is the warmth of the staff and the connections we have built with them over time. Asaf is one of those people.

When he managed the pool, he anticipated what we needed before we thought to ask. Our chairs were ready each morning, with an ice bucket of sparkling water and the pineapple juice Thierry likes to add. In the afternoon, a surprise often appeared out of nowhere. Nothing about it felt routine. He cared, and it showed.

This year, Asaf had been promoted to oversee the resort’s restaurants. When we happened to walk into one of them, he ran over and greeted me with a big hug. Every night after that, he found us wherever we were dining to check in.

His responsibilities had changed. The relationship had not.

Asaf was not the only one. Victor, who reports directly to the general manager, had the day off when we checked out. Even so, he arranged for the head butler to walk us to the front door and see us to our car for the airport.

People may remember what we do for them. What stays with them is whether they felt they mattered.

That raised three questions for me about how we show up as leaders.

Am I paying attention to the person in front of me, or only to the task at hand?

Leadership brings competing priorities, expectations, and decisions. It is easy to become so focused on what comes next that we lose sight of the person involved. What we choose to notice, and what we overlook, says a great deal about how we lead.

• Slowing down reveals what speed hides. When we take time to observe what is happening around us, we may recognize concerns, emotions, or needs that would otherwise go unnoticed.
• Assumptions narrow our attention. When we believe we already understand someone, we stop being curious and miss the chance to see something new.
• Presence is a choice. We can take part in a conversation without being fully engaged. Being present means setting aside distractions and staying open to what emerges.

Do people feel they matter when they are with me?

As leaders, we often focus on what we intend to communicate. Yet our intentions and our impact are not always the same.

• Our way of being shapes our impact. Openness and curiosity create a very different interaction than judgment, impatience, or the need to be right.
• Our emotions speak before we do. Even when our words are encouraging, our tone, expressions, and body language may say something else. Becoming aware of our emotional state reveals how it colors our interactions.
• Our reactions open or close doors. How we respond when someone shares an idea, makes a mistake, or challenges our view determines whether they feel safe to contribute, ask questions, or take initiative.

Are my professional relationships built on roles or on genuine connection?

Professional relationships often begin with shared responsibilities, positions, or goals. Asaf’s promotion showed me that a relationship does not have to end when a role changes.

• How we see people shapes how we relate to them. When we see others mainly through their titles or contributions, we overlook their experiences, perspectives, and aspirations.
• Connection is not transactional. Relationships deepen when our interest in someone does not depend on what they can do for us.
• Relationships can outlast circumstances. When roles shift or paths separate, the relationships we have nurtured continue to offer encouragement and mutual respect.

Making People Feel Valued Begins With Who We Are

What stayed with me about Asaf was not simply what he did. It was the care behind it. Meaningful moments rarely come from grand gestures. More often, they come from a sincere interest in another person.

In ontological coaching, we explore not only what we do, but who we are being as we do it. Our beliefs, interpretations, emotions, and ways of relating to others shape what becomes possible in every interaction. As those patterns become visible, we can make more intentional choices about how we lead and connect.

Perhaps the most meaningful question a leader can ask is not “What am I accomplishing?” but “Who am I being in the lives of the people I lead?”

As an ICF Master Certified Coach, I partner with executives, business owners, and leaders to uncover the patterns, assumptions, and ways of being that shape how they lead and relate to others. As those become visible, leaders create deeper trust, stronger relationships, and more meaningful impact.

If you’re ready to explore how others experience your leadership, I’d welcome the conversation. You can schedule a complimentary consultation or reach out to me directly at [email protected].